Seven (unacceptable) things students do
Students are supposed to be the future – a bastion of bright young minds who will put their sharp wits to work on the great problems of the world. But in truth, scraping a living on student loan installments means they sometimes act in ways no civilised society would find acceptable.
Use everything as cutlery or crockery
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When a functional adult entertains guests, they may consider bringing out the fine china to really impress. For a student, anything remotely round and food related – pots, trays, other food – can serve as a plate. No forks? No problem! In extreme circumstances, anything that goes in the same drawer will double up.
Build the Leaning Tower of Pizza
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In most households, one simple rule helps avoid arguments over bins – he who tops it off drops it off. But students have long known that it’s far more fun to place a kind of reverse Tetris with whatever junk is lying around their room. Stack your takeaway boxes and watch the tower grow.
See dress sense as entirely optional
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Anyone familiar with university will be aware of the grim death march of students filing into a 9am lecture – but especially the odd assortment of unbrushed hair, mismatched clothing and backwards t-shirts. Because when you’re up that early, looking presentable only goes so far as not straying outside in the nude.
Construct a cocktail from anything
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The conflicting states of classy and broke don’t necessarily cause a problem in student houses. No cranberry juice for a Sex on the Beach? Use squash! Or water and food colouring. Or ketchup. Though you might wake up with a mouth tasting like there was an earthquake in a wholesaler, who cares? It’s all liquid. And if you can’t make anything at all, make up your own. Anyone for a gin and milk?
Develop insane sleep schedules
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On the rare occasions you venture outside the student bubble – perhaps over summer or Christmas – you might find that your usual bedtime of 3am is past the halfway point in everyone else’s rest. Likewise, regularly getting up past midday is not a quality requested in most job listings. Still, if you ever go to New York, no jet lag will be your reward.
Keep dry shampoo companies in business
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When you’re being extorted for your utility bills and lighting your room with a hand-cranked lantern, hot water is a luxury. Scrubbing the thin film of filth off yourself might be worth it for a parental visit or a date, but daily washing is strictly for the super-rich and the week after your loan comes in.
Buy the dodgiest products imaginable
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The excitement rings through the house as your flatmate has discovered a shop selling bread four pence cheaper than the supermarket. It’s tinged blue, the packaging is entirely in Albanian and it seems to be three months out of date, but look at that price tag. When scraping together 20p to go towards cheap booze, no amount of quality is worth sacrificing. I’d say more but I’ve got to go eat a lukewarm lamb and e-coli kebab.
This article was written by Sian Bradley.
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